Day 426 – Almost total reset

I’ve been struggling recently. I’ve had a few good days here and there, but I’m having to fight for them. I don’t have the … willpower? … strength? … I don’t know what, but I’m not willing to “fight” everyday for the rest of my life to try and stay healthy. Life gets hard enough; health shouldn’t feel like a constant and on-going battle. For most of this past year, it hasn’t felt this hard. So I know it doesn’t have to be a fight. Oh sure, there are hard days, but those should be the exception-not the rule.

Yesterday, I kind of snapped. It’s not just health stuff  that’s been challenging recently (though getting sick last weekend and the blister I developed this week have not made health stuff any easier); we’ve also had a rash of broken crap right after buying that very expensive camper. I have no regrets about the camper, but in the last month (since buying it) the exhaust has fallen off my truck, in fixing that we discovered part of my frame is rusted clear through, the water heater at our other house (that we rent out) blew up, my laptop died, my engine started smoking, our dryer quit, my school laptop got fried and then lost in the mail when sent off for repair, my phone quit working, and then yesterday my Garmin watch refused to work.

Through all of this, running has been my stress-reliever and time to think happy thoughts and find the bright side of things. With my watch not working and my ankle bleeding (my blister broke open), I realized, yesterday, that I was stomping through my run while cursing and swearing and bitching and moaning and hating everything about everything. So I decided to take a break.

I took the whole day off. Yesterday was our county one day fair, and it’s hosted by my school. I was signed up to help work some of the carnival games, so I spent the whole day there. I ate anything and everything I wanted. I refused to worry about anything. I just enjoyed the day. By the time I went to bed, I had a horrible stomach ache! I had eaten my normal oats, 1/2 a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread, a hot sausage brat with pepper and onions, a cheesecake brownie, 4 sausage links, 2 fried eggs, 3 plate-sized pancakes with real butter and real maple syrup, a snow cone, and several handfuls of nuts.

As I went about my day (and ate my way through the fair), I thought about the differences between fat me (ie – my behavior yesterday) and skinny me (the way I eat when I’m on-track, but not forcing it). I’m not sure exactly what the differences are, but I do know that I can’t manage my eating without tracking. At no point in time did I feel “full” yesterday. Even with all that I ate, I still would/could have eaten more! I also realized that I’ve been crazy stressed about how busy we’ve been the last few weeks. Every time I go run, I feel like I have to “hurry up and get it over,” so I can get back to my long to-do list. I feel like I’ve been fighting both my and my husband’s schedule to try and force running into the day.

Put it all together, and I’ve decided it’s time for a major overhaul and restructuring. I went for a nice 5.5 mile run this morning (wearing Hubby’s watch) and thought about what I want. Then I came home and set it up. Little Man will now be going home with a baby-sitter on Tues and Wed afternoons. I’ll go for a run and pick him up between 5 & 5:15. This gives me 90 min to get home, change, run, and go get him (so 45-60 min of running time).  It’s not a ton of time, and it’s going to cost me money I don’t have (see my list of broken crap above), but it guarantees me 2 mid-week runs without feeling like I’m neglecting other people or things. I think it should really help my stress levels!

I’ve also reset MFP. I set my daily goal to 1400 calories without adjustments for exercise. I set Sunday as a high calorie day (2000 calories), since that’s usually when I do a longer run. One of things I’ve struggled with is the inconsistency of being able to eat more on days I run, but then having to eat less on days I don’t run. I’m hoping it will be easier for me to settle into a nice routine if I’m always maintaining the same amount each day, with one day to eat a bit more.

Of course, with a new plan comes some new goals. I’m going to run at least 4 days every week (Tue, Wed, Sat, Sun) for a total of at least 18 miles/week. I plan to aim for an additional run on Thur or Fri to bring my weekly mileage up above 20 miles, but I’m not going to stress if it doesn’t happen. I’m also going to aim for 1350 calories/day. That’s what I was eating most of last year, and it was comfortable. I have MFP set to 1400 to allow for those occasions when I go “over” by 10 calories or whatever. My point is that every, single, day should be green! (For those who love math as much as me, I’ll point out that I burn about 100 cal/mile. At 18 mile/week, I’ll burn about 1800 extra calories. MFP recommends 1200 cal/day for me, or 8400 cal/week. Add my 1800 exercise calories and you get about 10400/week.  At 1400 cal for Mon-Sat & 2000 on Sun, I’ll be eating about 10400/week, so it actually works out to the same thing.) I’m also going back to only getting on the scale on Fridays. Part of this whole goal of a more steady and consistent week means that my weight should be a bit more consistent, too.

As always, I’ll be posting my progress here. We’ll see how things go! Sorry there’s not pictures, but I’m really done fighting with technology, for now. I’ll try making broken stuff work again tomorrow.

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16 thoughts on “Day 426 – Almost total reset

  1. Hi

    I so admire you!! When you posts like this one where you have issues and daily struggles…I can so relate. You help keep me on track when I so want to just say ENOUGH!!!

    Thank you….

    On Sun, Sep 18, 2016 at 7:54 AM, losing anonymously wrote:

    > Lucy posted: “I’ve been struggling recently. I’ve had a few good days here > and there, but I’m having to fight for them. I don’t have the … > willpower? … strength? … I don’t know what, but I’m not willing to > “fight” everyday for the rest of my life to try and stay ” >

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! It gets frustrating sometimes, but I’m not willing to go backward. I enjoy running, and I feel so much better now that I’m lighter. So there is no where to go, but forward.

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  2. Hi! I’m so sorry all those things broke at once..that is so stressful! I have been discouraged lately too. Though I ran consistently since January , my running really took a hit in the heat and humidity this summer. Down to once a week and felt awful running in that humidity. We had one cooler day last week and I felt better running than I had in a long time. I really wondered if I would enjoy running again. So, my weight took a hit this summer too and I, like you have recommitted. Let’s root for each other! I know I need to track too even on hard days. This week was better so let’s keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your doing great! Stress can be such a bummer and ruin everything, it’s no wonder you have been struggling with all the stuff that keeps breaking! I think a re-think and refocus sounds like a great plan and hopefully having that ‘you’ time carved our in your schedule will really help you feel less stress/pressure.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Boy, do I hope so. I do think having set time by myself to go run will be good. I’m also hoping it will make for a smoother evening, the rest of the night. Tempers have been a bit short during homework time, and I think that’s stress-related as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry everything is breaking at the same time! I hate when that happens.

    One thing I have found in my (almost) 9 years of running that I consistently find myself struggling food-wise after a major race is over. Having spent 18 weeks with almost all of my “me time” (what little bit I have anyway ha ha – also a working mother) focused on a goal that revolves around one 3 hour time block on one specific day – no longer having that focus really throws me for a loop.

    If I am honest, having a race on the calendar really helps me keep the food under control – I mentally go to “how will I feel tomorrow morning if I have to run with a belly full of that food or drink” or “every extra pound is an extra pound of weight that I will have to carry with me on race day” when faced with a food decision. Once the race is over, it doesn’t seem to matter as much for a couple of weeks.

    I end up doing exactly the same thing – going for a run and re-evaluating what I need to do to get back to normal.

    Your blog is really inspiring – I really like that you talk about both the easy times and the struggles. Keep up the good work

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, and I love the thought about having to carry any extra food I eat down the road and across the finish line – that’s almost exactly how I think of it! I’m actually eye-ing a mini-marathon at the end of April that I may sign up for. I want to chill for a bit, but I know winter will be better with a race on my calendar!

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  5. I’m sorry to hear your having a rough go at things. I really suck at finding the right things to say in situations like this, so just know that I’m sending positive vibes your way!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I struggle after hitting a goal I was excited for too. I had been struggling with my eating as well, but your precious post about recording everything you eat even if you go way overboard really helped me. Thanks for keeping it real and thinking out loud (or however that should be said in the cyber world).

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so optimistic for your successful restart! This particular post came at the perfect time for me because I had the same internal dialogue this weekend. I have had a difficult time getting motivated to do the things that I know I need to do. I thought about just “throwing in the towel” on this 20 pounds that I regained over the summer, but I really just don’t like the way it makes me feel. Therefore, I also began my reset this morning! Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I really enjoyed your post as I am feeling the same. I’d love to do this healthy life without tracking… but it seems like you lose perspective. Portion sizes are so much smaller than my mind wants them to be. I’m frustrated too. Joining your club.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You can do it! In my case, I’ve just accepted that I cannot trust myself to make decision about food based on what I want or what feels right. I need to enter it in MFP, plan out my day, and base my decision on that the majority of the time.

      Like

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