Oh. My. Goodness. I want to eat tonight. I want to nosh and chow and devour and indulge. There is no real reason for this desire. I think it’s mostly just habit. I’ve been eating more food and more frequently and more junk this past month; and that’s tough to stop. That leaves me with a simple choice today – I can take the easy way out and eat. I can probably do it in moderation so that I don’t gain much weight, but ultimately, I know where that road leads and the scale would have no hesitation popping right back up to 230. My other choice is to grit my teeth and tough it out. I’m not actually hungry; I’ve eaten a very well-balance 1350 calories today including my morning oats, a sweet potato with 1/2 Tablespoon butter and brown sugar, a homemade chicken salad sandwich with cucumber, ravioli, and a banana. I’m not craving anything specific, probably because I’ve eaten a complete and well-balance diet today. I’m not emotional about anything, nor am I bored. I’ve been carrying my bottle of water around all day, so I’m not thirsty. I really think that overeating has just started to become a habit again. I started to go through the process of breaking this habit last week, but then I indulged Friday and Saturday. I’m okay with that, but I really need, and want, to get my eating most of the way back on track. I’m not willing to deny myself the occasional treat, but it should be occasional – not habitual. For now, that means I have to suck it up and not eat anything else.
This is one of the toughest things for me. I like to eat what I want, when I want, and I don’t deal well with denying myself. That said, I know that eating anything else right now will make me feel like crap. Since I’m not actually hunger, continuing to eat will make my belly hurt. That’s on top of the emotional pain I’ll suffer in the form of regret for eating food I don’t actually need or honestly even want. I’m sitting here writing this to remind myself that I don’t actually want to eat anything else. I know that making this tough choice now will make me feel great later. I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and feel proud of myself. I’ll be physically comfortable as I lay down to sleep tonight.
I’m supposed to do 4 miles tomorrow, but with the way my knee is feeling, I think I’ll do my strength training (that I skipped in favor of roller blading today).