Day 70 – Motivation, or lack thereof

September 28, 2015

I’ve written before about my awesome new treadmill, and I am so glad I have it. It opens up the possibility for me to run in any weather, but more importantly, it allows me to run even if I’m solely responsible for the care of my son (ie when Hubby is at school, attending a meeting, or otherwise occupied).

I have discovered one small problem with running on the treadmill. I have no motivation. Seriously, it is really bad. I never realized how much I tell myself, “Just run around the next bend,” or “Just keep jogging to the top of the hill.” That is then followed by, “Well, now the hard part is done and you might as well jog down the other side; don’t waste the easy part!” None of these thoughts work when running on a treadmill. So far I’ve tried, “Just jog until the end of this song,” “Just keep going until you complete that little blinky, circle, oval, track-thing on the screen,” and “Just keep jogging, jogging, jogging.” None of them have worked. I can usually make it through my first interval of 5 or 6 minutes, but that second interval is disastrous every time.

I’m not sure what to do about it, or how to get past it. I’m also trying to decide if I should work through it now or run outside while I can and deal with the treadmill later – potentially during the workouts directly before my next race. Since that is exactly when I DON’T need to feel like a failure, I’m kind of thinking I want to work it out now.

Tomorrow night, I’m scheduled to do a 10 min jog, 2 min walk, and 8 minute jog. I think I’m going to do the 10 minutes jog on the treadmill then hit the road – unless it’s pouring down rain (as predicted by our rarely accurate weather forecast).

Does anyone else have these motivation issues when using a treadmill? How do you get past it?


Day 68 – Back to running

September 26, 2015

Since Hubby's working the fair, I ran on the treadmill. Since I have a cold, I did more walking than VERY slow jogging.

Since Hubby’s working the fair, I ran on the treadmill. Since I have a cold, I did more walking than VERY slow jogging.

Today is the day that I get back to my routine. I ran Tuesday evening, but between waking up with a nasty cold Wed, and Hubby leaving unexpectedly, and getting ready for the Fall Fair, I haven’t run (or even walked) since. I’m really, really, scared that if I were to go any longer, I’d lose all sense of routine with it and end up either giving up or miserably starting all over again. Realistically, I think this fear is more in my mind than based in fact, since I do have the Turkey Trot coming up. Nonetheless, I’ve been derailed by less before, so I think part of my determination this time includes using this fear to keep me going.

I am still sick, but it’s mostly a head cold. I woke up with very sore legs this morning – apparently painting kids’ faces for 3 straight hours is quite the workout! Looking back on it, I spent the evening squatting to paint, standing to dip the brush in paint, squatting to paint, standing to talk to adults, squatting to talk to kids. In short, it was 3 hours of squats. Since, that didn’t seem to bother me, and I realized that I’m down to 8 ½ weeks until Thanksgiving, I decided today is a good day to get back into a running routine. I put together a training program, based loosely on the middle 8 weeks of Hanson’s Couch to 10K training program. I like that it will have me running 4-5 days a week, but never more than 2-3 miles. I know that’s frequent, but I think that will be good for me (plus if I miss 1 day, it’s easier to let it go). I don’t want to run more than about 3 miles until I’ve lost more weight. I feel like it would just be abusive to ask my joints and feet to carry me farther than that at this point, but keeping the same duration and similar intensity while increasing frequency should be ok. I’m hoping it will also help me get a bit faster, though I’ve decided not to get worked up about that and JUST KEEP RUNNING. (That last part is really what it all boils down to.)

This is my training plan, though adjustments will be made along the way. My goal is to consistently run 4 days/wk.

This is my training plan, though adjustments will be made along the way. My goal is to consistently run 4 days/wk.

Since I have my “official” training set to start tomorrow, and my legs are very sore, I really took it easy today. I did my usual 5 minutes warm up and cool down with 5 min jog/2 min walk; 3 min jog/2 min walk intervals in between. I “jogged” incredibly slowly, but I did have the treadmill set at 1% incline. Basically, I didn’t want to push it too much until I figured out how running with a cold works for me. I have to say that it felt really good to get all huffy, puffy, and sweaty again. I think I’ll be fine with tomorrow’s workout. This afternoon, I’ll be enjoying more of the fair, but without having to work. I’m excited to take my son around. He also entered a pumpkin, so it will be neat to see if he wins anything!

Day 67 – Scale and Good News

September 25, 2015

I've now gone from 232lbs to 208.6lbs for a total loss of 23.4lbs  - just over 10% of my body weight!

I’ve now gone from 232lbs to 208.6lbs for a total loss of 23.4lbs – just over 10% of my body weight!

This week has been crazy! I did weigh in this morning, and I’m happy to report that the scale read 208.6lbs. I’ve officially lost 10% of my body weight!! In other good news, my students are doing well, my husband’s family is ok (so Hubby is back home), the issues with my truck turned out to be very minor, and tonight’s portion of the fall fair went well (despite rain – which also falls in the “good news” category, since it means we are finally, once again, doing laundry and dishes without too much worry).

Tonight I got to spend the evening painting faces. I’m not an artist – not at all, but I really enjoyed making the kids happy. I painted American flags, ninja turtles, ghosts, pumpkins, flowers, butterflies, and spiders. I even painted 2 dragons! Of course, the dragons turned out very scary (and not in the Halloween kind of way), so no one else wanted those – which was also “good news.” Anyway, I had a lot of fun with all of our students tonight. My son had fun. My husband helped with one of the games. It was a good night.

Day 65 – My week in under 100 words; I’ll write more another day.

Midnight panic! I forgot to update laptops. Frantically began at 6:30am. Internet crashed. 6th grade writing failure! More failure to update computers, and failure to give science quiz. Smoke billowed forth from my truck. Yuck. Took hubby’s car back to school to continue working on laptops at 8pm. Students and teachers all have colds – including me. Ran 3 miles anyway. Internet is back! Laptops updated. Quiz taken. 6th graders lectured. Truck fixed! Success! Arrive home to learn father-in-law is in crisis. Hubby left to help. Will this week ever end??!! Oh yeah, Fall Fair is this weekend – no relief.

Day 62 – The green before the fall

September 20, 2015

The tree is still mostly green. Eventually, the grass below will disappear beneath a blanket of leaves.

The tree is still mostly green. Eventually, the grass below will disappear beneath a blanket of leaves.

The air is cool and crisp in the mornings, but it still gets hot in the afternoon. The trees are still green, and the grass has only a few brown spots. Yet, the first few leaves are beginning to crunch underfoot. The sun does not shine quite as bright or for quite as long as it did even a month ago. School busses have been running for a full month, but students on them don’t yet have on coats. Clearly, summer has passed, though fall has not really arrived. My world hangs, waiting. Resigned to having left summer behind, we eagerly peer out windows – watching for the leaves to explode with color. I’m anticipating the burning perfume that follows nature’s fireworks as wood stoves and leaves are lit. My husband is unpacking his hunting gear and examining nearby tracks. I’m looking forward to bundling up in sweaters, marching in the school Halloween parade (trick-or-treating is challenging while houses are often almost a mile apart), and baking bread to warm house and heart. We are not there, yet, though.

This is part of our back yard. The forest is green and the grass is just starting to brown.

This is part of our back yard. The forest is green and the grass is just starting to brown.

I feel similarly with my running. I have 9 weeks before my next 5K and just can’t convince myself to get “serious” about training. I’m still traveling at least 2 miles every other day, but I walk when I want, run when I’m inspired, and jog as I please. Eventually, I’ll need to step it up – just like we’ll eventually need to turn on the heat instead of waiting for the sun to provide for us. For now, I’m just enjoying the journey. I’m focusing on the amazing feat of combining chilly mornings with hot afternoons and the freedom to set my own pace without a specific goal. I know that it can’t last (and really, it shouldn’t), but for now, it’s nice.

This leaf is one of the few to change so far. It landed on my porch.

This leaf is one of the few to change so far. It landed on my porch.

After an enjoyable 3 miles yesterday, I went into town to do the shopping along. I never make this trip alone, but my son was off with Hubby, leaving me solo. I decided to take the opportunity to stop by the cheese monger and pick up some yummy cheese. Our budget limits this kind of treat to just a few times a year, and I haven’t had good cheese since May. My favorite 3-year aged Gouda was out of stock then and still is now, so I’ve been trying new things, and this time I discovered “Lamb Chopper.” Oh boy, is it delicious!

Yummy Cheese!

Yummy Cheese!

Overall, it’s been a nice, calm, relaxing weekend – especially since it’s the first weekend I haven’t spent Sunday morning at school, working in my classroom.

Day 60 – Apology, accomplishment, and a new treadmill

September 18, 2015

I feel the need to start with an apology for calling the woman I encountered Tuesday, stupid. She was a stranger, yet she was nice enough to stop and investigate a situation that concerned her. Probably, the world would be better off if more people acted the way she did. I’ve felt bad about it ever since I wrote it.

In 60 days I have lost 21.8 pounds and run my first 5k in 42 minutes!

In 60 days I have lost 21.8 pounds and run my first 5k in 42 minutes!

I finally feel like I’m out of my birthday funk. As of this morning, I’ve lost 21.8lbs, and I’m excited to clear the 10% mark in the next week or so! Since today is day 60, I also took another picture. I put together my first side-by-side comparison! I can see an actual difference! It’s not a huge difference, but it makes me feel like changing my habits is really worth it. It takes so long to see change, but I know that the time is also what will help make these changes habits that will keep me healthy long term (not just so that I can magically lose weight and be “done”).

It's not much, but I am starting to be able to see a difference.

It’s not much, but I am starting to be able to see a difference.

After my treadmill issues, my amazingly supportive husband started investigating higher quality used treadmills that are made for running. He found a really nice ProForm that had been listed on Craigslist for quite a while, so the owner was willing to negotiate on price. We picked it up last weekend, and I tried it out for the first time last night. I LOVE it! It’s going to take some getting used to because I really don’t “pace” myself on my runs. I tend to just run. When I first got on the treadmill, I set the pace to what I thought felt the same as what I’m used to. After about 2 minutes, I was gasping for breath, and after 3 minutes I had a stitch in my side. It was the first time in this whole 60 days that I’ve ever gotten a stitch in my side! I slowed to a walk to catch my breath, then tried jogging at a slower pace. It felt too slow, and I kept moving forward on the treadmill. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I took off down the road for a quick mile to compare. Guess what, I do not run at a steady pace (shocking – I know). Basically, I discovered that we have gently rolling hills, and I run hard to get up the hill before catching my breath while going down the other side. I have no idea how I’ll manage this out on a treadmill, but I’ll have all winter to work on it. By spring, I suspect I’ll have totally figured out how to make my treadmill a happy place to run.

Day 58 – Funny conversations

September 16, 2015

Yesterday, was a very busy day, but I managed to squeeze in my run between the end of school and the start of professional development. I made it out of the school parking lot before even the busses had left. My son and I rushed home, so that I could change. I was immediately out the door, down the front yard, and was still setting up my headphones and phone as I started walking to warm up. Hubby and Son were playing together I the front yard when I heard a vehicle about to pass me right in front of our house. The car stopped and a woman leaned over and asked me, “Ma’am do you need a ride? Are you lost?” She seemed very concerned for me. I thought this was odd since I was wearing running tights, earbuds, and running shoes, but when I told her, “No, I’m just going out for my run,” She humphed and replied, “Well, do you live around here?”

She was much less friendly at this point, but when I pointed to my house (that I was still right in front of) her face lit up and she exclaimed, “You must be Austin’s mom!” Since Austin is NOT if fact my son’s name, I was in a hurry, and I was really debating if I should be offended by this woman, I simply told her, “No,” and began to walk away. Apparently, she was not done with our conversation, as she rolled her vehicle to keep pace with my walking while demanding to know if I had any children. At this point, I determined that she was apparently too stupid for me to bother taking offense. I again pointed to the house and yard where my son was playing with my husband (who were now both staring at us) and explained to her that a) My family was right there, b) in the house where I live, but c) I don’t know anyone named Austin, though d) I am a teacher at the school, and e) I really needed to go for my run before I had a meeting to attend. She knitted her eye brows in confusion, but eventually drove away. I can honestly say that it was one of the strangest conversations I’ve ever had!

Since yesterday was so crazy, I did not get a chance to call my grandmother and thank her for the birthday card she sent me. I called her this afternoon and mentioned how busy yesterday had been. She asked me how running was going, and I told her it was good, and I’ve lost about 20lbs! She replied with something only a grandmother would say, “Oh that’s nice, dear, but be sure not to overdo it. You can get sick that way.” I’m 100lbs overweight, and my grandmother is worried that I’ll get too thin! At least, I can never doubt that she loves me. She certainly made me smile.

My Grandmother

My Grandmother

Day 56 – The almost friend

September 14, 2015

I have yet to meet a fat person who doesn’t eat for emotional reasons. I certainly know I do, and tonight I really want to. There is a woman at my school who I’d really like to be friends with. There aren’t many people in my community, so finding someone that I’d like to hang out with is kind of cool. Unfortunately, it’s not working. She just started teaching at my school last year, and we bonded as I helped her get set up. Over the summer, I asked her if she’d like to get lunch or coffee one day. She appeared excited as she said she’d love that, and then arranged for us to spend the day cleaning out her classroom (which is the science lab that all of us share, so I understand her seeking help with the chore). Thinking she had misunderstood my lunch invite, I let it go. This fall, she requested that I be assigned as her mentor teacher, but the principal (for VERY valid reasons) assigned someone else. My would-be friend shared the news and her disappointment while asking if I’d still be willing to answer questions and help her. I said that I’d be happy to and suggested that we “call it friendship and celebrate the lack of paperwork required,” thinking that might help clarify my perspective.

Tomorrow evening, there is a very social professional development that involves dinner. A few teachers are going, and I had originally asked my would-be friend if she planned to attend. I told her that it fell on my birthday and was debating if I should go. She said she would be going and commented it would be a fun birthday evening. Today, as we arranged car-pools for tomorrow, she backed away and said that she wouldn’t be attending because she’d rather go to a thing at her church.

It’s not that big of a deal, really, but I guess I’m just disappointed. I’ll still enjoy the PD tomorrow, though I’ll now be grouped with people I don’t know. I didn’t get really upset until I got home and discovered my husband had made a pizza for himself and a pizza for our son. It doesn’t sound like a big deal except that I had pulled out ground beef for meatloaf, and we had a major debate yesterday over meatloaf vs. brats. The debate ended when I agreed to brats, but pointed out that we HAD to use the ground beef today! Now Hubby is saying that he doesn’t remember any of that because he “must not have been really listening.”

I’m feeling like the invisible woman who speaks Greek! Am I hallucinating these conversations? I feel set-aside, ignored, and inconsequential. I really want to just stuff my face full of junk to try and make myself feel better, but I won’t. I won’t do that to me. I like feeling fit, and I love that my clothes fit better. Eating obscene amounts of food does not punish the people who hurt my feelings; it only punishes me, and I don’t deserve that. I have a right to be healthy. Just because I feel like other people don’t value me does not mean I shouldn’t value myself. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s just a bad day, and it will pass. Better days will come, and I will greet them healthy and fit. Birthday’s suck. I don’t think any of this would usually bother me, so much. I don’t know why it does now. Blah. I’m going to go drink some water now.

Day 55 – Monotony and Funny Running words

September 13, 2015

I turn 33 this month, and for the first time in my life, I feel younger instead of older. I can tell that I have a lot more energy, and I’m more active.

It’s funny though, after 55 days, I woke up tired of recording everything I eat. I really wanted to say, “Screw it, things are getting better, so I should have ice cream.” It took me a moment to realize that things are getting BECAUSE I’m NOT eating ice cream every day. I find it amusing that I had to remind myself that what I eat directly impacts what I weigh. I think this is common sense for naturally healthy weight people (though I really can’t say), but for me it’s a shock every time I think about it.

I recently bought a book called Tales from Another Mother Runner. It’s funny, and I like reading about other women who try to manage running, working, mothering, and being a wife. It has caused me to wonder about a few things, though. There is a whole language of “running” that non-runners, or new runners (like me) don’t understand. Yet, it is assumed that we will know what is being talked about. Usually, I just smile and nod. I’m certain that many of these terms are things I will either begin to understand as I run more, or I’ll break down and google them. For now, I just can’t help thinking the following:

Why do you need body glide? – I have learned that it’s basically Vaseline to be smeared under arms, breasts, and sometimes between thighs, but WHY? I’m fat and I totally understood “chub-rub” the very first time I read it, but I compensate by wearing clothing – not smearing goo all over myself. I will admit that I almost understand it after I read about a woman whose lips became chapped mid-race. She used the goop from her pits on her lips – good to go! I just don’t think this quite justifies lubing up my body. Of course, I have yet to run more than 3.1 miles, so maybe I will understand after a few more miles.

foam rolling – To me this sounds like some illegal drug that makes runners legs feel better.

negative split – I’d like a banana split! Is it anything like that?

tempo runs – this sounds vaguely musical – like maybe something to do with timpani drums?

fartleks – Is this what my son does when he makes farting noises using the back of his knee?

IT Band – I’m guessing this is not referring to the currently most popular music band

Tech shirt – I can’t help picturing the tees worn by the roadies helping the “it” band

Day 54 – Flabberghasted

I'm so flattered (and shocked) that NeverADullBling nominated me!

I’m so flattered (and shocked) that NeverADullBling nominated me!

September 12, 2015

This morning, I woke up to find that one of my favorite fellow bloggers had nominated me for this award. I’m amazed! (Of course, I tend to be a bit awe-struck every time someone reads my blog in the first place, so…) Her blog focuses on the joys of running, and I love reading it when I need a reminder that the journey itself is totally worth it. Never A Dull Bling keeps going. She demonstrates a persistence and perseverance that I find admirable. She is positive, encouraging, and someone I both admire and strive to emulate.

When I started this blog, I expected it to essentially be my personal journal. I was inspired by reading someone else’s story online and thought I’d share my journey in kind, but I really didn’t expect anyone to actually read it. OH BOY, was I excited when someone did! Now there are a few of you I’ve connected with, and I’m starting to think of you as blogging friends. It’s really nice to have someone to celebrate with, and the encouragement and the support I’ve found is beyond anything I could have imagined.

I’m not always very good at being a social person (this might have something to do with why I’m so much more comfortable living in the middle of nowhere), but reading the stories of other’s helps me keep going, encourages me to strive for great new aspirations, and reassures me when I’m feeling less than successful.

Mostly, I guess, I want to say thank you to everyone who shares their stories online. I feel like it takes a lot of courage to put it out there, and I really appreciate that you do. I love reading about how others run, eat, and live joyfully. It’s because of this courage that I would like to nominate the following blogs:

Stay Here Come Back – He’s on a quest to find his version of happy. Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone took the time and energy to strive to be a better father, husband, and human!

Rather Be Running – She is my go-to experienced runner blog. Her memes are inspiring and funny, and her information is invaluable.

Wellness Trek into Results City – This is a man on a mission. He is determined to achieve his goals.

What you can do with this award:
•Post it on your blog
•Grant other bloggers the award

What you can’t do with this award:
•Abuse or misuse the logo
•Claim that it is your logo

What should I do after receiving the award?
•Enjoy it!
•Give thanks via comments and likes and mention the person nominating you
•Mention your purpose in blogging or joining the social media